What if we live in that world?
Each time words spill from my mouth, they are filtered. They are filtered for profanity, racism, offensive comments, and for the truth. Most of the time, I speak in a circular lie because there is no way I can tell the whole truth without crossing lines of decency. There are times when I get to be filterless, but those times are few and far between.
I try my best to be considerate. Consideration is a tricky subject. This allows people to walk all over you in the process. When I am driving, I am very considerate (or at least I think I am) but I draw a line to where consideration becomes unsafe for myself and my passengers. Sometimes, this rolls over to my real life. I try to be courteous; I try to not step over lines; I try to keep the peace. Yet somehow, I am unable to achieve those things.
"I'm sorry, but I'm not actually sorry because you are wrong. You hurt me and I don't want to be sorry. I just want to be mad and vent about you to my pillow. My pillow is the only one who supports me these days." This is a feeling that so many teens feel at one time or another. But we cannot say this. If we say this, nothing is going to get better between us and our friends. We lose a friend because we are too self-centered. And then we complain about not having any friends, but that was all because we told the truth. The truth is a heartbreaker. We cannot afford to break our friends hearts because we need them for when others break our hearts. So how can we win?
To salvage a friendship worth saving, a sorry can start the healing process. But sorrys lose their meaning when they are over used. A coach of mine once said that he would never say sorry to me because he did not love me and knew that it does not have meaning without love. So each time you say sorry you should ask yourself if you love the person enough to use this precious word. Even if you aren't sorry, the love you have for the other person should be enough for you to be willing to use it.
Sometimes my filter is clogged and has to be let out. Those are where the heartbreaks happen, but usually I can mend them. Hopefully there will be a day where the truth won't hurt and everyone can be real without the fear of tripping a booby trap. Until that day, my filter will have no rest.
This is what I was allowed to see on my pier. What are you allowed to see on yours?